shooting heroin

I’ve been shooting heroin for 5 years and my life has finally turned around l. I didn’t think an addiction would ever happen to me and instantly after trying heroin it did.  My life went down hill very quickly and I couldn’t stop it. I never thought I would be that person, and I was. Everything I worked for, everything I had, didn’t matter & the only thing that mattered was getting the next high. My life turned very dark for a while, and it became a full time job to get high. Looking back at it now, it scares me how much I didn’t care.. I didn’t care about my family, my friends, my job or my life,for that matter. The only thing that mattered was how I was going to get money and more dope. My family mattered when I was able to manipulate them, my friends mattered when they wanted to give me money& my job mattered when it was easy to steal from. Other than that – they were all just in the way between me and my dope. 

I finally reached a point where I couldn’t keep up with the lies, I ran out of easy manipulations and mostly I was just exhausted. I was exhausted of waking up sick and weak and running around scheming to figure something, anything, out to feel better. It got to the point where the only people I saw were other sad hopeless junkies who needed a ride, or who I was able to use to get a fix and my dope dealer. I finally became so exhausted I asked for help.  

I reached out to an old friend in recovery and I was set up for detox the next day. That morning, after I got my fix and fought and regretted the decision of making that phone call, but I went. I wasn’t happy about it, but I still went. I went to detox that day and it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. After completing detox, I was put into a PHP rehab facility and I’ll admit there was plenty of times I wanted to leave & run away – but I stayed. I stayed in treatment and it changed my life. I learned a lot about myself and my behaviors. I grew and now know myself better then I ever had. Most importantly, I have a life. I’m not just some zombie living in a shell of a body, going through the day. I laugh, a lot. I cry, I feel things, I experience things. I have relationships, healthy relationships.  My life has become something I would never have even imagined a few years ago and it’s amazing. 

by amber nagy

31.05.2017